If you’re a parent like me, you want the very best for your children. When they step onto the field, the court, or the golf course, something inside us comes alive. We watch closely. We analyze. We encourage. And, more often than we realize, we coach.
After all, it comes from a good place.
We want to help.
I can think of countless moments where I’ve offered advice after a game—pointing out what went well, what could improve, what to try next time. It feels natural. It feels responsible. It feels like love in action.
But what if it’s not landing the way we think?
The Drive Home Problem
I recently came across a powerful insight from an Australian study: The number one thing kids dislike most about sports isn’t the pressure of competition… it’s the drive home with their parents.
Let that sink in.
Not the missed shot.
Not the tough opponent.
Not even losing.
It’s the post-game conversation.
The constant replay,
The analysis,
The well-intentioned breakdown of every moment.
And for many kids, it becomes overwhelming enough that they eventually walk away from the sport altogether.
What Kids Actually Want
Researchers Bruce E. Brown and Rob Miller from Proactive Coaching LLC have spent years studying this exact dynamic. They asked college athletes a simple question:
What did your parents say that made you feel the best and kept you motivated to play?
The answer was overwhelming in its simplicity. Six words:
“I love to watch you play.”
Why These Words Matter
Think about what those words do. They don’t judge. They don’t evaluate. They don’t compare. They free.
As a coach, I rarely hear parents say this. Instead, I see detailed breakdowns: stats, swing videos, comparisons to the best players in the world, and constant suggestions for improvement.
But here’s what I’ve noticed as a father: when my kids are playing, they look for me. Not for technical feedback. Not for correction. For approval. Sometimes they try so hard to get my attention that they actually lose focus on the game itself. That was a wake-up call.
Let Them Play!
Those six words — “I love to watch you play!” — create space. Space for joy. Space for confidence. Space for growth. They allow your child to simply play, without the weight of expectation.
And something beautiful happens when that pressure lifts: they enjoy the game more, and so do we.
A Small Shift, A Lifelong Impact
As parents, we don’t need to stop caring. We don’t need to stop supporting. But maybe we need to simplify.
The next time you’re on the sidelines, ready to offer your insights, take a step back. Look at your child. Smile. And say:
“I love to watch you play.”
It might just be the six words that keep their passion alive for a lifetime.
Black Hat Reflection
Sometimes, the greatest coaching is knowing when not to coach.
